Mark Twain’s sense of humor acted on him like the force of gravity². He could not even hold back when commenting on the dark subject of vivisection (experimentation on living animals).

“I believe I am not interested to know whether Vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't. To know that the results are profitable to the race would not remove my hostility to it. The pains which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity towards it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further. It is so distinctly a matter of feeling with me, and is so strong and so deeply-rooted in my make and constitution, that I am sure I could not even see a vivisector vivisected with anything more than a sort of qualified satisfaction.”[1]

Samuel Clemens and H.G. Wells, two of the most popular writers and thinkers of their day (and two cat-lovers) both despised those scientific and commercial ventures that relied even one-quadrillionth percentile upon the blindly cruel abuse of innocent animals—a practice that has survived to this day.

“But giving drugs to a cat is no joke, Kemp!”—H.G. Wells, The Invisible Man[2]

In Wells’ novel The Island of Dr. Moreau, he places Humanity under the microscope and examines the squirming logic that allows one animal to torture others for the mere hope of potential self-advancement—or for profit.

“The crying sounded even louder out of doors. It was as if all the pain in the world had found a voice.” [3]—H.G. Wells, The Island of Dr. Moreau.

Both Twain and Wells would agree that the vivisectionist never lived who would believe another vivisectionist’s findings. No, they all must try their own cruel hand with the bludgeon or the knife, just to be on the safe side.

“Man is the unnatural animal, the rebel child of nature, and more and more does he turn himself against the harsh and fitful hand that reared him.”[4] (Wells)

Images: Twain (1871, photo by Matthew Brady) and Wells (1916)

[1] From Twain’s letter to the London Anti-vivisection Society, May 26, 1899, see: http://www.twainquotes.com/Vivisection.html

[2] See: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/795360-but-giving-drugs-to-a-cat-is-no-joke-kemp

[3] See: http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/68894-the-island-of-dr-moreau

[4] See: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/h_g_wells.html